Crack
by TehKuro
Summary: Sora and Roxas crash land on a strange planet where they pick up a couple of "ninja" hitchhikers. They then crash land into Hogwarts where craziness and lots of boy on boy love ensues. Lemon. CRACK. Lots and lots of pure CRACK!


Crack: By Lexi and Mel

VOOOOOOOSH~ The gumm(i) ship glided swiftly around asteroids shooting at other little stupid ships. They forged a path to a new world. He slowly lowered himself down upon the planet. He noticed some ridiculous customs of the freaky looking planetary inhabitants. One of them wore a bright orange jumpsuit.

"I'm Naruto and I'm a NINJA!!!!" He screeched.

"OHMYGOD!IT'SSOMEKINDOFHEARTLESSKILLIT!" Sora screamed, rushing forward from the Gummi ship, Keyblade in hand, a mad look in his eyes. Naruto stared at him, still trying to figure out what the hell a Heartless was.

"Are you stupid, kid?" Naruto asked on a serious note, dodging the furious, quick swings of Sora's Keyblade with ease. The brunette started to foam at the mouth, making noises only relatable to that of two mutant rocks fighting.

Suddenly, a strange, pedophilic snake man walked up. Drool dripped down his mouth as he saw the young boy's mouth foam. Lust hit him like two mutant rocks fighting. He had to have the boy for his own. With a swift movement, he came at the boy from behind and gripped him from behind.

"Hello little boy, you have such a nice key." He slithered into Sora's ear.

"LET HIM GO, OROCHIMARU! BELIEVE ITTEBAYO!" Naruto yelled, his maternal instincts kicking in.

Sora shivered, wondering what kind of strange man could slither so snake-like. He dropped his Keyblade to the ground, which de-materialized itself, and wriggled free of Orochimaru's grip. He turned to look at the snake-man, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"I'm sorry, but you're just not my type. Get away from me, you freak!" Sora ran over to Naruto, clinging to his arm tightly, looking up at him like a kicked puppy dog.

Naruto looked at the weird kid who had just tried to slice him up with a dull giant key.

"Ummm.... Your key... it's not compensation, is it?" Naruto stuttered.

"If it was sharp and useful, it would be. But the only thing I can do with the freaking key is bludgeon things to death." Sora replied shamefully.

Naruto grinned. His maternal instincts had quickly turned to whorish lust. He moved into kiss the brown haired boy from another world but their hairs meshed together. The pointy nature of both their hairs formed some weird zipper like bond.

"What the hellttebayo!!!" Naruto exclaimed, but who just happens to walk along but Sasuke, Naruto's lover.

Sasuke stared at the blonde and brunette meshed together by their hair, tears welling up in his eyes.

"NARUTO! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" He screamed, taking out his Wrist Cutter 5000, Super Emo Edition Kunai. Sasuke sat down on the ground, crying, and beginning to cut his wrists.

"Sasuke! STOP!" Naruto cut the zipper like bond with his kunai, giving himself and the strange boy from another world very, very bad haircuts. Sora reached a hand up shakily to feel his hair, and screeched in agony.

"MY BEAUFITUL HAIR! GONE!" The Keyblade master quickly turned to look at Sasuke, a raging fire in his eyes. "You bitch! You made your stupid boyfriend cut my hair! PREPARE TO DIE!"

"Boyfriend?! Sasuke's not my boyfriend.. He's just my lover. Sora..." Naruto swiveled to try and make things right with the sexy whore.

"WHAT?!" Sasuke screeched at Naruto. Naruto looked around in fear. He had to choose between his sexy whore and Sasuke, the whiney (but well endowed) emo bitch.

"Can't we just have a threesome?" Naruto suggested.

"Ok." Sora agreed simply.

"NO WE CAN'T! NARUTO'S MINE, BITCH." Sasuke raised a bloodied hand and smacked Sora on the cheek leaving a red, bloody handprint.

The aforementioned boy screamed like a little school girl, more or less because of the blood on his face. He slapped Sasuke back for ruining his boyish looks with his filthy emo blood. "Take that, bitch!" Sasuke, in a desperate attempt to get his lover back, slashed Sora's wrist with his Wrist Cutter 5000 Super Emo Edition Kunai.

"Now you'll be just like me! My emo blood coursing through your veins will soon turn you into an emo whore, just like me!" Sasuke cackled in victory.

Sora, now completely freaked out, grabbed Naruto for use later, and ran back to Gummi Ship.

"Fuck this! We're out of here!" The Keyblade Master quickly flipped on all appropriate switches, and blasted off, leaving Sasuke behind and emo, bloody, cackling mess.

Itachi turned up a few minutes later, immediately spotting his brother, and the carnage about him. He swiftly picked up Sasuke bridal-style. "It's bath time for little Sasuke!" He said gleefully, his mind showing him very, very obscene things that he could do to his little brother.

Sora tied Naruto up using his skillful bondage abilities. He checked the map, hoping to find a nice planet to settle down on to find out if Naruto was really as well endowed as Sasuke's devotion hinted. He spotted an uncharted planet on his map and off they went.

VOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! Sora glided through the typical obstacles which he realized was a word similar to testicles. They landed on the planet at a castle.

"Oooo what a pretty castle." Sora said jumping out with Naruto over his shoulder. The Gummi ship suddenly shot away leaving behind a very confused Orochimaru.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Sora shouted.

"I...erm... NOTHING!" Orochimaru replied snakily.

"We're stuck here?!" Naruto cried beneath his gag.

"My lord, what are you doing here?!" A whiney feminine man-voice cried out.

Orochimaru turned to see a young, very hot boy with white-blonde hair wearing funny robes with a green snake emblem on it.

"Oh my God. Snake-guy is a Lord? What the hell?!" Sora cried out, brining attention to himself and Naruto. The white-blonde boy stared at the other two, a very confused look on his face.

"My Lord...I didn't know you liked such perverted things such as that. I can do the same thing, too!" In a matter of seconds, he had used his wand to magically transform himself into a very skimpy maid's outfit, bondage tied and everything. "Have your way with me!" He cried. Orochimaru looked back Naruto and Sora with a pleading look, only to find them not there. "Naruto? Naruto's sexy whore friend? Where'd you go?! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!"

"Wait a minute," The blonde said with a sudden realization. "You're not Voldemort!" He blushed furiously and changed back. "How dare you make a fool of Draco Malfoy?!"

Draco turned heel and ran away crying. He ran into the castle and into the Men's room where he happened to run into Sora and Naruto in a very compromising position. His eyes grew to the size of plates as he bolted and headed for the ladies bathroom.

"Why does this always happen to me?! -sniffle- Why does no one want to fuck me!?" He looked into mirror and at his sexy face. "I guess I have no choice now...."

His hand slid down to his pants. He pulled out his wand changed himself into a French maid and began to clean the bathroom.

Having been discouraged from any further activity, Naruto and Sora ran from the bathroom, and into the castle, going the way they came to try and find their way back to Orochimaru, and possibly to the Gummi ship. Unfortunately, due to their limited knowledge of the layout of the castle, they soon got lost in one of the many hallways of the giant structure, ending up in a dungeon.

"I'm soo sick and tired of this! I wanna go home! And sit on my bed and cry while listening to bad music!" Sora whined, stomping his foot on the ground. Naruto's eyes widened in shock.

"Sora! You're beginning to go emo!" He cried, and grabbed his arm, busting down the nearest door. Upon finding the room empty, he then drug Sora over to a cabinet, which was found to be filled with tons of assorted creatures and vials filled with liquids of strange colors.

"Hey! Maybe these can help you! Start drinking!" Naruto commanded, handing Sora a glass tube full of off-white liquid.

"I already had some of this...." He commented off-handedly, and set it aside.

"You're right...It does look familiar. Fine. Drink this!" The second vile was filed with a bright turquoise color, and Sora downed it, immediately gagging afterward.

"These aren't going to help me! They're all filled with food-colored sperm!" Sora declared, throwing the vile to the ground.

"Who's there?!" A man's voice demanded, causing the pair to hide underneath the nearest desk.

Snape strolled into the room to see his precious collection spilled on the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" He cried as he crouched over his beloved potions collection. This action gave Sora and Naruto just enough time to slip out of the classroom and run randomly through the halls. They hid in a Ladies' bathroom which, by coincidence, was the same bathroom currently being attended to by a certain Draco Malfoy.

"What do you guys want?" He demanded.

"Can you help us out of the castle?!" Sora asked, his hand inching towards a knife. Naruto slapped his hand angrily.

"Do you know an anti-emo potion or something?!" Naruto asked.

"W-what do I get out of it?" Draco demanded with a clever sneer as he changed into his robes.

"What do you want?! We'll give you anything..." Naruto said as he confiscated yet another knife from Sora.

"I.... I'm a virgin. Get me laid... Please!" Draco blushed and begged.

"Ok!" Sora said cheerfully. (whore)

Draco led them out into the courtyard they had entered. When they arrived, they were stunned. Orochimaru was making out with another snake man.

"MY LORD!" Draco exclaimed, screaming like a girl and fainting.

Voldemort hissed and cast a nasty curse at Sora which struck him square in the chest. Instead of killing him, it simply split his soul in two. A blonde twin lay next to the brown haired Sora.

"R-Roxas?!" Sora exclaimed.

"SORA MY LOOOOVE!!" Roxas clung to his other "self".

"What the fuck is this?! Can't I kill someone and actually have it kill them?!" Voldemort screeched angrily, throwing his wand to the ground. Orochimaru grabbed Voldemort, soothing away his anger with a passionate kiss.

"Come on. We don't need these freaks." Orochimaru suggested, winking at Voldemort. The aforementioned wizard took the hint. "Off to my lair!" He cried, grabbing Orochimaru and disappearing with a crack off to some unknown place. Sora scratched his head in confusion. "Okay?" He looked down at Roxas, shoving him off harshly. "Where the hell have YOU been? Cheating on me with that whore Namine, I suppose?" He accused, and Roxas shrunk away.

"S-Sora... I've been in your heart all this time! Please...Please forgive me." The blonde's other 'half' sighed in defeat, and shrugged.

"Sure, why not? Naruto, stay here. Roxas and I have some unfinished business to attend to." And with that, Roxas and Sora ran off into the castle once again, leaving Naruto by himself.

"Well, fuck. Wasn't expecting that one. Believe it." Draco inched closer to Naruto.

"You still have me." He giggled and tackled the ninja.

Meanwhile Sora and Roxas got lost in the castle once again. They wandered until they reached a great staircase. The followed it and it led them into a large office with a desk.

"Hey Roxas," Sora said upon seeing the large desk, "You thinking what I'm thinking?!" Sora said suggestively while wiggling his eyebrows.

"OH yeah!!!" Roxas said as he jumped up on the desk. Sora grinned. His grin slowly faded to a confused frown as Roxas started to rummage though the drawers.

"Dude! This guy has candy!!!" Roxas exclaimed happily as he sucked on a lemon drop.

"Roxas... Wanna suck on something else?" Sora crawled towards Roxas, a suggestive look in his eyes. "Yeah! Whaddya have?!"

"I have a lollipop. But, it's in my pants, and I just can't seem to get it out. You'll have to get it out yourself." Sora spoke in a dramatic, slightly seductive tone. Roxas shoved him down to the ground, furiously working on getting his pants undone.

"Um, Sora? How do you get these things off?" He looked at Sora with a questioning look, who shrugged.

"Beats me. I don't even know how to put them on. These fairies did it for me." With that, Roxas started to pull off Sora's pants, only to stop when a very, very old man walked into his office. "Oh...Uhm..." Roxas and Sora said in unison, both staring back at the old man with the same look he was giving them.

"Stay RIGHT where you are. I need my camera video camera!" And with that, the old man pranced off, giggling gleefully.

The pair got out of the office as quickly as possible, running hell bent for election down another hallway, and ending up in the courtyard once again, only to find Naruto and Draco had gone off somewhere.

"Is everyone getting laid except for me?!" Roxas cried.

"Oh shut up." Sora said as he swiftly removed Roxas' pants and burst out into laughing tears.

Roxas began to cry. "It's not THAT small!!!"

"No, it's not that." Sora said. "It's your sea salt ice cream panties!"

Roxas was indeed wearing sea salt ice cream panties. Not only that but they were on backwards. Sora took a knife and cut his pants off exposing his pale white man flesh on his legs. Roxas stared at his creamy white man thighs and his eyes grew wide at the bulge in Sora's heart print boxers. He spat out the lemon drop and tackled Sora and began to make out with him.

Meanwhile, Voldemort finally arrived at his lair and demanded not to be bothered. He turned to his newfound snake man. He kissed Orochimaru's neck softly, sliding his snake-like tongue against his neck.

"Um... Voldy... I have a request..." Orochimaru stuttered lustfully.

"Anything. What is it, Orochipoo?" Voldemort cooed.

"Could you... turn yourself... into your 10 year old self?" Pedo-Orochimaru requested.

"Well... That's an odd request but... Anything for you, Orochipoo." Voldemort cooed lovingly, and magically changed himself into a young, untouched, 10 year-old boy. Orochimaru giggled with great pleasure, and commenced in ravaging him until the sun came up. Which, unfortunately, for him, was only a few short minutes. Orochimaru hissed as the sun came up, the rays of hope burning his emotized skin.

"THE SSSSUUUNNN. IT BURNS US!" He screeched, and hid under the bed. The dark wizard whom everyone feared, turned himself back into adult self, and got down on his knees to peer under the bed.

"Orochipoo....Come out, please! I can close the curtains!" Orochimaru spat at him, and so, in great sorrow, Lord Voldemort walked away, crying.

Meanwhile, Naruto and Draco were busy have a good 'ol time of their own.

"Go fish, bitch! Off with your shirt!" Naruto cried, sticking his tongue out at the white-blonde before him.

"Awwww. Come on!" Draco mock whined, pretending to be disheartened about having to take off his shirt. He took off his shirt in a teasing way, slowly revealing a surprisingly toned upper body. Naruto, still revved up from his 'session' with Sora, immediately tackled Draco to the ground, and removed the rest of his clothes.

Sora enjoyed the pleasant lemony taste of Roxas' mouth. A small part of him nudged him in the back of his mind reminding him that he was making out with a part of him. That's practically incest, it argued. The thought manifested itself in the form of a little Angelic Sora which was quickly pounced by a Devil Sora, who ultimately won because Sora's mouth began to deviate from Roxas' lips.

The blonde's 'other half' slowly began to work his way down his body, nipping rough enough at his neck to get moans from the other. He moved to straddle the blonde firmly by his hips, and swiftly slid his hands up the blonde's shirt, dragging his nails lightly down Roxas' torso. The other wriggled in pleasure, and Sora ripped off Roxas' shirt.

Sora's lips slowly worked their way down Roxas' toned chest. His tongue hesitated around a small pink man nipple. The blonde blushed in enjoyment as Sora moved down south. He kissed along Roxas' tummy and eventually reached his waistline. Sora closed his eyes and hesitated a moment. He wondered what Roxas was like underneath those cute sea salt ice cream panties. With his eyes still closed, he ventured to remove them. He took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. A throbbing pain hit him in the groin region when he opened his eyes to see that Roxas was the same size as him, and he himself was rather well endowed. God, I really am about to fuck myself, he thought as he tentatively licked the tip of Roxas' very hard penis.

Heat rose to Roxas' cheeks as he felt that glorious tongue of Sora's explore, if not hesitantly, his almost painfully hard erection. Sora eventually enveloped it in his mouth, giving Roxas as much pleasure as he could with his mouth alone, greatly enjoying the mewls and moans of pleasure the blonde was emitting. The brunette pushed Roxas to the edge, and then worked his way back up to Roxas' mouth, letting the blonde become dominate once he caught on. Roxas was more rough, and fierce with his movements, almost in a punishing way. It hurt just enough to feel good, and Sora was half expecting the blonde to get out a whip at some point and don a dominatrix outfit.

Roxas smirked.

"Bend over, bitch." He demanded firmly. The words slowly seeped into Sora's head. He had half a mind to disobey to see what Roxas would do, but instead, he obeyed oh too happily. He playfully wiggled his butt in the air, showing off his sexy boxers. Roxas licked his lips and ripped them off violently. His eyes gazed upon Sora's pale, white buttocks.

Despite all the lust and want that filled Roxas, he was nervous. It was his first time ever, and in his opinion, he was starting off hard. (No pun intended) Deciding it was now or never to take the bull by the horns, he grabbed Sora firmly by the hips, closed his eyes, and then plunged himself into Sora. The sudden entrance of Roxas surprised said brunette, but he recovered quickly, and matched Roxas' thrusting motions, their breathing quickly becoming in short gasp.

"Oh Roxas!" Sora screamed as Roxas rammed into the lovely bundle of pleasure nerves. Roxas stopped as it he had just been bit. Sora had just screamed /his/ name. Something he had only dreamed of. He snapped out of it and resolved to make Sora cum without touching him. He did a quick glance around and noticed a bench nearby. He picked up Sora and walked over to the bench and sat down, impaling Sora on his throbbing member in the process. Sora bounced up and down on the blonde's lap. Roxas let out a loud moan.

He let his forehead rest on Sora's constantly moving back as he got a tighter hold around Sora's waist, eventually moving with the bouncing. The brunette's nails dug and scratched at Roxas' thighs, not sure of what to do with himself. It just felt that good.

"Sora..." he whispered as he closed his eyes to fully take in the feelings. Sora moaned softly. Sora was enjoying this a lot more than he had with any other guy. He shifted on Roxas' lap, startling him a little. He decided to turn to face Roxas. He slowed him movements so he wouldn't fuck this up and hurt Roxas in the process. Sora's fingers lightly touched Roxas' face and tilted it upwards towards him. The look on his face was that of desire, love, enjoyment, and sex. That's how to describe it. It was a look of pure sex. Sora lightly kissed Roxas who responded by deepening the kiss in a very possessive way. He thrust deeply into Sora who wasn't expecting this. He let out a cry which did nothing but urge the blonde on. A devilish grin stole Roxas' face. Sora was in for it now.

He adjusted himself to hit the bundle of nerves that made Sora feel so deliciously good, and picked up a steady rhythm, slowly going faster and faster, eventually thrusting as quick as he could manage. The brunette let out a breathless gasp once Roxas reached full velocity, digging his nails into the blonde's shoulder blades, moaning Roxas' name into his neck. Roxas let his head fall back, hearing his name fall from Sora's lips driving him crazy. The blonde was no more than a shivering wreck as of now, pleasure racking his body until a gasp signaled his release, spilling down the boys' legs, the bench, and eventually the ground.

The feeling of the stream on hot liquid leaving his lover into him like a gift of love was too much for Sora. He came hard in-between the two, all over Roxas' face and chest. The blonde looked dazzling in the afterglow with the milky white liquid rolling down his skin. They panted heavily.

Suddenly they heard a squeal of joy.

"It's potions time!!!" Snape yelled with delight as he ran over to the confused boys and quickly snatched up the semen off of Roxas' chest and their legs.

The boys spazzed and ran, leaving the remnants of their clothes behind for they were in no condition to be worn. They stumbled upon a spent Draco and Naruto who had clearly been doing something similar. They snatched the orange jumpsuit and wizard robes and hid in the dazzlingly clean bathroom. Sora put on the jumpsuit while Roxas slid into the robes. They burst out laughing, reflecting what they had just done to Naruto and Draco.

Naruto could only sit there in amazement as he ran the fact that he was now permanently naked because Sora and some blonde kid had stolen his clothes. Draco had taken chase after them, so, in shame, Naruto walked through the woods, and finally stumbled out into the courtyard again, where Snape was rocking back and forth with his 'potion' in hand.

"Ewwwww." Naruto thought to himself, before sneaking back into the school. "Hhhmmm... As long as I'm naked... Sexy no Jutsu!" Naruto cried, and poofed into his 'girl form' (or whatever the fuck it is) and roamed the hallways, strategically placed clouds of mist blocking all important parts for a little while. "Might as well have some fun!" He chuckled.

Meanwhile, Sora was going through Naruto pockets, and stumbled upon a mini version of Sasuke's Wrist Cutter 5000 Super Emo Edition Kunai. With urge overcoming him, he crawled up in a corner, and began to cut himself, suddenly crying uncontrollably.

"My life sucks! I just slept with myself! I'm such a fag! No one will ever looooovvveee mmmmeeee!" He whined, finally bringing Roxas' attention to him.

"Sora! No!" The blonde cried, and slapped the kunai from his hand. "Sora... Where'd you get that eyeliner? And the mascara?"

Sora sniffled, "It was in the pants..."

"Noooooooooooo!!!!" Roxas cried as he threw himself at Sora and ended up sobbing on his crotch which led to a rather excited state for Sora.

"U-um... R-Roxas...Y-you're on my...crotch." Sora stuttered with arousal.

Just then, Naruto walked in with feminine glory.

"AHHH MY EYES!! BOOOBS IT BURRRRRNSSSSS!!!" Sora cried.

Meanwhile, night had fallen and Orochimaru thought it was about time to sneak back to the school. Voldemort approached him from behind.

"Hey there sexy snake man." He slithered in his ear sending shivers down the pedo's back. He licked shell of Oro's ear. "Where are you going?"

"To the school. Come with me, my beloved!"

And off they went to the school. Upon arrival, Orochimaru managed to ditch Voldemort to go find the Boys' dormitories.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, VOLDEMORT!" A boy suddenly screamed, pointing his wand at him. Voldemort turned, pulling out his wand at the same time, to see a boy with ridiculously messy hair, green eyes, and a really, really weird scar.

"Harry Potter! We finally meet at last!" He hissed gleefully, getting ready to finally finish the job he had started so many years ago.

"WAIT! MY LORD! I'LL SAVE YOU!" Another boy declared. Harry and Voldemort turned to see an embarrassingly naked Draco running over to them.

"Uhm... Draco, maybe you should get-" Suddenly, the white-blonde slipped on a banana peel, fell, and cracked his head open. Sadly, he died right there on the spot. Harry ran over to Draco, and started to cry.

"I... I wish I had... T-told him how I really f-felt. He was...My...Only love!" He cried, burying his head into Draco's lifeless body.

"What the fuck...?" Voldemort questioned, and then simply cast the Death curse spell on Harry, crouching to the ground to avoid any after effects. After a few minutes or so, he peeked out from under his arms, to see Harry slumped over onto Draco's naked body. Warily, he inched over, and poked The-Boy-Who-Lived hard with his wand, and when he didn't move, he started laughing. "Ha...HA. HAHAHA. I WIN! I KILLED HIM! FINALLY!" And with that, he pranced through the hallways of Hogwarts. Sadly, he too slipped on the same banana peel that Draco had, and died from too much evil laughing and being a loser.

Then, a black portal opened and a dude with a mullet and a big freaking blue instrument of some unidentifiable origins stepped out, slipped on the banana peel, fell on the pile of dead bodies and got butt raped by a dead, nude Draco. This dude, named Demyx, stood up to see what had happened, slipped again, and got a wand through the eyeball.

"Fuck this!' he said angrily as he turned to leave, slipped on the stupid thing again and died a very bloody death because the wand went fully through his skull. The portal opened again and Axel stepped through.

"WTF?!" He yelled as he dragged off the body of his dead lover to fix up into a necrophilic sex toy.

Naruto laughed profusely at the reaction of his companions at his feminine state. He poofed back into his normal male self, his penis dangling between his legs. Roxas glared at him with a Lexi-Deathglare. He picked up the Emo knife and sliced off Naruto's penis.

"MY MANHOOOOODD!!! MY SEME CARD!!!!" Naruto screamed upon the sudden realization that he would have to be uke from that day forward.

"That's what you get for letting your little diseased lover touch my Sora!" Roxas shouted, referring to Sasuke, who was infected with the deadly disease Emo.

"I'll cure him!!!" Naruto shouted. He then dug into the butt pouch of his ninja pants, which were on Sora, and pulled out a small pill. "You see this. This is Prozac. It cures emo. I was going to give it to Sasuke but seeing as we're stuck here and you'll prolly gore out my bum hole next, Sora can have it" He said chucking the pill into Sora's mouth.

"Oh F-" Naruto said pulling out another pill."Umm... That was my Ecstasy.... This is the Prozac..." He said with a small tear at the loss of his drug.

"NARUTO! YOU IDIOT!" Roxas cried, watching Sora carefully for any reaction that wasn't normal.

Naruto just shrugged in indifference, not really caring about Sora. On the other hand, he wanted to see what an emo would do with Ecstasy. Seeing no physical harm being done to Sora, and presumably no mental, Roxas glared at Naruto, and took the pair by the wrists, and drug them out of the bathroom.

"I just want to go. The fuck. Home. Now, where do you think the Gummi ship would've landed if-" All of a sudden, Sora screeched, and jumped onto Roxas, clinging to him like a koala bear. Unfortunately for Roxas, this caused Sora to feel much pleasure, especially since his legs were wrapped around the blonde's waist. Before them was a pile of dead people, all those they knew.

"WHAT THE FUCK, BELIEVE IT!" Naruto yelled, falling to the ground, totally scared out of his hyperactive, knuckle-head ninja mind. Rolling his eyes, Roxas peeled Sora from him with a crowbar, and went over to the corpses.

"Looks like that Draco kid, the Voldemort snake guy, and... Some... Kid with a scar. Looks kind of... Ew." He observed, looking around for any evidence as to who did this.

"I'm outta herettebayo!" Naruto screeched like a little girl and ran away. Sora looked to Roxas with a goofy grin.

"Hay Roxie~" He said before leaning down to kiss Roxas neck.

"Sora not NOW!" Roxas said as Sora began to grind against him.

"OHhhhROXAS!" Sora moaned. "This feels sooo goood... Mmm I'm really warrrrm." He said as he starting to strip out of Naruto's clothes. Roxas merely face palmed and dragged Sora away from the dead bodies. Hmm... How do I knock Sora out....? Roxas wondered and then an idea hit him. He leaned over and blew a puff of hot air in Sora's ear and out he went.

Roxas smirked in a very, very smug way, and put Sora back into Naruto's clothes. With a determined feeling now, he hoisted Sora over his shoulder, and trudged away from the bloody death scene, and into another hallway, now trying to find the way out, and, hopefully, their ride off of this crazy ass world. After what seemed like hours, he finally found the old, humongous wooden doors leading out. He giggled happily, and then pushed them open, only to hear a scream of terror a few seconds afterward.

The doors swung open to reveal Naruto looking at a large portrait of a nude old wizard who appeared to be the headmaster there. The old man was in the process of screwing another old man. Oh. And there was a large bloody spear impaled through Naruto keeping him fixated at the portrait. Roxas turned heel to run away and Sora woke up to the bloody crime.

"Ne, Roxie, did you do that?" He asked dreamily. "Am I next?"

Roxas ran as fast as he could while heaving around Sora. He opened door after door. Suddenly, he heard someone coming! He hid in the nearest door, a broom cupboard. I wonder if they fly... O.o Roxie wondered.

"Sora, you need to be very, VERY quiet, or, I will KILL you, you got that?" Roxas snarled at Sora, who cringed, and cowered into the farthest corner away from him.

"O-okay, Rox... What-whatever you say." Sora murmured, looking toward the ground, and finding a very nice, sharp object, along with a conveniently discarded iPod. Upon turning it on, he heard very, very emo music, and began the ritual all emos do. Roxas was busy observing the brooms, testing to see if they would fly. After all, this school seemed to be full of surprises, and if one of the brooms flew, they could possibly fly off of this planet, and back home.

Roxas hopped on one that as called the TurboCrotchVibrator 9000. He looked at it quizzically and did a little jump. He fell to the ground.

"FUCKIN WORK!" He whispered harshly and the thing came to life between his legs. This caused him to jizz in his pants. He turned to Sora seeing him cutting himself and cursed loudly. Suddenly the door opened.

"What the devil is going on in heeeeeere?" A man with dark shoulder length hair and a hook for a hand exclaimed. He looked over towards Sora. "It looks like this one is killing himself. Less work for me," the man named Snape said. He noticed the overflowing semen from Roxas' pants and quickly slipped some in a vial.

"Y-you! You killed them!" He exclaimed grabbing the bloody Sora and kicking off the broom. The brooms vibrations caused Sora to drop the knife and lean back in ecstasy. A breeze rolled in and he jizzed in his pants. Roxas kicked the broom off and quickly flew away from the cum-dumpster potions master.

Before Roxas could register it, they were in space, fast on the heels of an odd looking ship that beared no resemblance to a Gummi Ship. Deciding they had no choice, really. Sora was beginning to sob uncontrollably, eye liner running down his face that Roxas had assumed was an effect of the Emo Disease. Sighing in frustration, he grabbed Sora by the collar, and shoved the Prozac down his throat, and bitch slapping him for emphasis. The blonde grabbed the iPod, and chucked it into space, hopefully to never be found by anyone. Unfortunately, in his bitch fit, he hadn't thought to keep track of the air ship they had found.

"Goddamnit all!" He screamed, jerking the broom toward a very colorful looking planet. They crash landed on a beach, and immediately, the inhabitants rushed out toward them, offering them Cosmopolitans and mani/pedies.

"Hayyy cutiess! Welcome the Fruity Island! You guys must be SO tired after crash landing! Come with us for a very... Refreshing experience." The natives winked suggestively as their cabana boy approached in nothing more than a little grass thong. "Back massage? Maybe some lotion? A Band-Aid?"

The End~


End file.
